Good Day Sexy Friends and Followers,
Well, Mistress Kate has kept me busy and offline. She is aware that i miss reading the adventures of others. So little by little i have gotten to reading and catching up abit. There were over 5000 messages in queue.
Mistress was surprised that i read and was such a voyeur. She is allowing me(thankfully) to catch up. For the beginning, She was approving my responses and my blog. ok yes still my blog. (approved by MK).
i have been home with daughter ad grandchildren for the last week plus. during which time i have been pondering this “who am i ? what am i? what do i want to be? ” Mistress Kate has asked me that. My answer is i am a piece still in the making. Please mold me. i am but clay in Your hands. surprising this was not enough. So, i think and wonder.
Thank You Nikki, who has me thinking about this again. After Her post (https://loveisafetish.com/i-am-art-2/).
I love crossdressing and being of service. I love being oral. i have no problem serving , cleaning and doing what is asked of me. Seeing a smile on Mistress Kate’s face brings happiness to my life. Seeing Her sitting on the sofa reading a book completely relaxed as either one of her dogs or myself sitting next to Her in the doggy bed. The dogs love me so from time to time, usually after mt chores are done, they will allow me the pleasure of their doggy bed. These make me happy. Sir A is not at the house but every other weekend. For me , i please Him to make MK happy. He won’t read this but again MK. Has approved this.
i will follow Her to the ends of the earth. but i still desire/need my family time. My daughter and granddaughters i love them and like to be with them even if in total male mode. I still clean house and pick up after them. But for my daughter, Her hubby and granddaughters, i hide my sindee side. At 67, it is my decision and i know from how my daughter was raised how She would react. No Thanks to my ex, Her mother. Although, i worshipped my ex and would do anything for her, she hated the thought that i was bi and liked to cross-dress. Which is why after all the girls graduated college and got married, She filed for a divorce. She never told our children and asked ok demanded that i do not tell them. Part of the divorce agreement , although a verbal part between us.
My Christian family (brother a Baptist Mister, sister a missionary) would not or could not tolerate this in any way. Although, if they thought about how i act, they might be able to figure it out. But being closed minded about the LBGTQIA community they never will. I sometimes think and wish i came out when i was younger and didn’t really care. But i did what most hippie, football players, fun loving males were “supposed” to do. I played around and eventually married the head blonde beautiful cheerleader whose daddy was a minister. Now i am trying to find balance between the 2 worlds i live in.
Thank You Mistress Kate for helping and being my Mistress and yes i know this dosen’t answer questions. But let’s you know exactly where my head is at. i would be very lonely without You, Sir A, and your friends.
THANK YOU THANK YOU Mistress Kate.
PS Mistress Kate really enjoys my friend’s Lave Shae blog (https://slaveshae.wordpress.com/)
Peace and Love
ss
a blast from the past GO BEARS
sindeejson 
It can take a lifetime to work out who we are, what we want and who we want to be. The best we can hope for is that we can be as much of the person inside of us as we can, while we keep working on the bigger picture. I think you get a balance from being with Mistress K and then a balance from being with your family. Two halves of one whole is better than half a person cut away from those who could never understand. I think sometimes we overthink things to the point where we don’t do anything and end up miserable instead. Your fine balancing act between your family and your life as sindee is the best you can hope for, and at least you have some of both worlds to fulfill you. Much love sindee, it’s good to see you back on here. π
Thanks Gem interesting point overthinking. it happens most when i am with the little ones and family. I am happy most of the time.
I totally feel for you. It is wonderful to be kinky and to have that enrich your life, and like you, I have found that having a Mistress has radically improved my self-acceptance and outlook on life